Delaware – Police were called to a local pop-up drive-in theater today due to multiple bizarre disturbances.
The pop-up parking lot drive-in was in the process of screening a nostalgic classic, The China Syndrome, as part of a retro film festival. The parking lot was relatively full of cars as business was booming because indoor cinemas were still shuttered due to the China virus closings.
Shortly after the intermission an old man stumbled out of the concession stand licking an ice cream cone. Some local investigative reporters on scene asked him what flavor he got. He responded that it was chocolate and vanilla swirl before trailing off muttering. The old man slowly wandered over to a picnic area where a few families were seated watching the movie. He started touching, grabbing and smelling the women’s hair and licking their fingers. He then asked the children if they’d like to rub his leg hair or meet corn pop. When the fathers stepped in he challenged them to do pushups. The parents quickly gathered their children and evacuated the area.
The old man then became quite agitated and disoriented. He climbed up onto a picnic table that was in front of the movie screen and started yelling gibberish at all the cars in the lot. The viewers in the cars weren’t happy that he was interrupting the movie and started honking back at him. Then the old man started calling them chumps, and horse faced pony soldiers.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, a short time after the old man wandered off, the digital projection of the film was apparently interrupted by Russian hackers who were briefly able to project 12 minutes of a sex tape on screen. The footage appeared to be from a porn film called Hunter in Bed with China & Crack.
Then as the sex tape was streaming the entire Internet went down because the tech giants banned and blocked anyone and anything that included any of the following letters: ‘H’, ‘U’, ‘N’, ‘T’, ‘E’, ‘R’, ‘B’, ‘I’, ‘D’, ‘E’, ‘N’.
Shortly after these bizarre disturbances occurred the police were called by a good Samaritan named Rudy who told the remaining viewers not to worry and just VOTE TRUMP 2020!
– PatriotBites
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